Instructions on how to brush one self’s teeth:
One will need a toothbrush, to begin with. It is mandatory to be there in order to brush one’s teeth as it’s completely pointless and of no use at all to try and brush one’s teeth if one’s not there. Having teeth helps, too. One must also have the right disposition and a dirty-to-almost-stenching tooth state.
Pick up the brush. Pick the toothpaste, too. Open the toothpaste’s cap; otherwise, it just won’t go out, leading one to utmost frustration. Press firm but gently the toothpaste tube, cap part pointing straight to the toothbrush staring to the ceiling, almost as if it were playing possum. It is good to remember the toothpaste tube should be pressed from the bottom part, not the middle one, as a sign one has some respect for society, dignity, human condition and whomever may use it after oneself.
This is a good time to wonder how efficient the toothpaste companies and factories are to put all the red and blue stripes along the white, middle part, what sort of magic they use in order to distribute the colours in such a perfect fashion instead of randomly mixing them.
Once the toothpaste covers the bristles, it is time to put the back to its original position; origins are important, they remind use of where we come and where we will be buried or have our ashes scattered. Put the toothpaste tube back on its shelf.
Now it’s time to grasp the edge of the washbasin firmly with our left hand while making the bristles point towards the biggest of our smiles with the right hand (of course, the order of hands can be changed according to our mastery). We can stare into the bathroom’s mirror, almost defiantly, showing we are not scared of being clean and pure once again.
Firm but gently, once again move the toothbrush upwards and downwards in a rhythmical way trying not to reach the tips of the gums. Move the toothbrush along our teeth as if we were a Russian master playing any classical composition other than John Cage’s 4’33. Humming is allowed during the process, not so much singing or whistling. Once the front part of our teeth is already clean we must proceed to the upper and lower parts in a circular way, almost as if we were a Russian pedestrian who had passed out while commuting in the subway. We can then clean the back part of our teeth in the same manner we did with the front part.
This is high time to spit out all the contents in your mouth, bowing your head towards the washbasin so that they are not spilled all over the floor or on the mirror. With the aid of some pure, clean, fresh water, remove all the contents in your mouth, toothbrush included. Make sure everything’s clean before you leave the toothbrush back in its glass.
You can look once again at the mirror, showing your teeth as a proof everything is done correctly and you’re not scared of some leftovers between your teeth.
Repeat three times a day, average duration of the process: 5 to 10 minutes.
Número de familiares en el extranjero: 1. Roma out, Paris out, London out, Sevilla out, Málaga out.